This meaning of life
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: Tezuka has a disturbing dream and Syusuke is the only one who can answer it.


**Fandom: Prince of Tennis / Tennis no Oujisama  
Title: This meaning of life.  
Pairing: Fuji + Tezuka  
Description: Tezuka has a disturbing dream and Syusuke is the only one who can answer it****.****  
**

**Disclaimer: Prince of Tennis is not mine.**

I thought I had finally caught up to you, but when I looked at what was in between my arms, there was nothing there.  
I lost you all over again.  
**  
This meaning of life.  
By miyamoto yui  
**  
"There is one important thing in life."  
I stared at him, trying to understand him and myself.

His lips curved slightly upwards. "But that is a secret."

He was watching me with his head turned to one side, dressed in white. White as the translucent snow with pants and a shirt that blended with the scenery. Had we both gone mad and this was the psychiatric ward that kept us in our places?

Wasn't that what our minds were for?

I didn't know. I really didn't know.

But as he sat there on that golden swing, swinging back and forth, I couldn't help but think that there was something strange about this whole scene. And yet, I was helpless to stop it because I knew that I had done it in some way.

The small jealousies, the claim of possession.

There was something in his eyes that was gone and the flame of determination and the passion of life had fizzled out with the coming of the rain.

And yet there we remained in this box of white with bars to hold us away from each other. Or was it to keep him in by my bidding? Or was it to keep me out for him to tease me?  
This was how we were. This was how we always lived.

It was something we were accustomed to, but that didn't mean we liked it. People are always held by their own demise and devices. Isn't that so funny? But that was the truth. We put up our barriers, even against ourselves.

Those eyes looked at me so blankly that I could believe that they belonged to the person I watched so admiringly. I wondered what happened to us as time went by. Why did this have to happen to us?

What could disrupt the flow of something close to perfection?

I held onto the cage and I watched him swing and swing, kicking his feet back and forth. It almost looked like he had wings. A bird in a cage; an angel kept from going back to heaven.

Either way, both explanations were truth.

"Let me in," I said, knowing that I would never come out once I was inside of this golden cage.  
"Let me out," his voice answered with his head now turned away from me.

He stopped swinging and sat there, looking up to the ceiling. He kept on staring as I stood there as the contrast, in black clothing, wanting to reach out to him.

It was then that he sang to me a melody, haunting yet awesomely emotional, beauty dripping from the notes. I began to become sleepy and he got off the swing. He walked towards me with a slightly defiant look. But my eyes were becoming heavier and heavier. That was until I slipped to the ground in exhaustion and through the spaces of the cage, he reached out his arms. He began to kiss my cheek while wrapping his arms around me, undoing the buttons of my shirt.

It was all to get the key that was hanging on my neck.

At that moment, he brushed his hand over my shirt and pushed it to one side to reveal the lock over my heart. I looked up in a daze as he smiled at me, kissing me. Pushing the key inside, my body jolted a bit. The door of the cage opened and he pulled me inside.

Closing the door for always. Taking the key from my chest and throwing it out as far as he could.

Holding me in his lap while I draped myself on him with no protest because he continued to sing his lullaby to me again. He played with my hair, unable to stop looking at me.

It was then that he began to kiss the skin of my neck.  
Until I felt that he was tearing it all off.  
When one is left starved, they become very hungry…

"Mitsu?"  
I blinked my eyes to look up at Syusuke and the bright, blue sky above him.  
"Were you taking a nap? It looked like you were having a bad dream." He looked down at me with his knees on each side of my hips. His palms were touching my shoulders. "Mitsu, are you all right?"  
I just looked up to those eyes that seemed to be more intense than how others described my own.

"I think so," was all that I could answer.

What was that dream? Was it a premonition? A window of my insecurities? I didn't know how to categorize or describe it, so I didn't answer anything at all.

"You have this look that doesn't say so." He peered down at me and leaned very closely. "Captain, I know you're lying."  
He smiled, but then he frowned as I found myself a bit scared. He patted my hair gently.

My eyes looked to one side, unable to look at him as I began to blush a bit. The sadist was actually being gentle? That was something the club had yet to see.  
"I dreamt...about you and…" I trailed off and stopped all together. "There is just no way I can describe it, Syu."

"That's all right," he answered, satisfied with that alone.

"But one thing that I remember was what you said. You told me, 'There is one important thing in life.'"  
He laughed, "Sounds like me. And then I didn't say anything else."  
"Yes," I replied while peering at the door of the school roof, hoping we wouldn't be caught.

But there's something so wrong with the dream, Syu. I just can't bring myself to tell you.

We're so much in possession of one another that we're killing each other. It is a kind of suicide the more we further this relationship. It isn't healthy. We're too much into one another and there will come a time when we'll not be able to keep it from anyone.

What will we do?

As if reading my mind, he shook his head. "You think too much, Mitsu."  
"You do too."  
"But I don't stop myself from doing what I want."

He leaned forward to whisper in my ear, "And you know why?"  
His hand was pulling on my shirt to slide his hand underneath it.

I didn't even ask the obvious.

"Because that is the most important thing: Happiness takes on many forms. Sometimes it's freedom. Sometimes it's being captive. Everyone has a different one."

"Why do you do this to me?" I asked him.  
"The first time you played tennis in front of me with your eyes so concentrated and focused…That's the question I've been asking myself ever since."

It was then that I took off my glasses and looked at him blindly. The proud, well-behaved captain was becoming enchanted by the mysterious being before him in this side of reality.

And I took a bite from the fruit, taking his hair into my lips and feeling it with my tongue…  
…fully wanting to be condemned by him.

Is this obsession called love?  
No, I don't think so…

I don't want to think so.

He laughed as he suddenly stopped kissing me. "It's time to go to class."  
I shook my head. "I hate you."  
He winked at me.

My happiness…  
…happened to take on the human form of the devil himself: A marvelously beautiful fallen angel.

He made me forget the world and all the obligations I had. I almost lost myself and my control. It was like a self-imposed amnesia.

Some part of me was ashamed. I didn't want to be the calm, collected, disciplined, responsible Tezuka any longer.

I didn't want to save my soul anymore.  
Punishing myself into a slow, torturous suicide through his hands and his smiles…  
**  
Owari. / The End.**

**Author****'****s note: **Yet again, don't ask, just accept it. I know I make things that are totally weird, but we'll just leave it that it's artistic. I don't know why, I really wanted to make this fic for Fuji and Tezuka 'cause I really enjoy this couple. I love taking them from so many possible angles.  
But for some reason, what this latently reminds me of is Hojo Akira-sama. She is my favorite Tenipuri doujin artist and Suna no Oukan is one of my favorite titles. (Hence, the name of my site, but anyways…) What I mean is that I made this more dreamlike than what I'm usually used to doing.  
**  
May 13, 2004**


End file.
